I suck at writing blogs, but here’s another <3

tbh every single time i am asked when am i going to post more stuff from, well the past 6-7 months of my life... i mentally curl up into a ball & just want to scream.

i am now starting to understand why some artist isolate themselves when working on projects. musicians, painters, sculptures or method actors alike, I f*cking get it. not only have i reintroduced zodiac signs back into my life again this year (im an aquarius - makes perfect sense of why i love solo journeys just as much as ones with friends or partners), but i also have reintroduced self love & peace of mind that has been lost for quite some time now. Within this past half year, i found myself in ways i wanted to describe in a 3 min short film, which I wanteddd to put out before the end of the year… buttt yanno here we are - lying on my bed listening to music that helped me through my year of “self discovery.”

I hate the cliché of the word, but that is really what happened this year. I rediscovered myself. Who I am, what im capable of & where I want to go. With all the lessons learned, relationships made, happiness manifested & inner peace found... i really haven’t found a reason to share my work rn other than people asking about it at least twice a week. Honestly, its been rough being back at my family’s company when all of our customers knew I went away & are also waiting for my pictures. So to say here, publicly on instagram is one thing, but to explain to people who support your work & look forward to hearing stories about it is just a next level of pressure.

If I had the attention span to teach myself videography & editing, I would have made a youtube to at least show you parts of my journey & shared bits of how much I have learned about humanity through traveling & talking with anyone & everyone. Id explain my goals i set after chernobyl 2018. It was because of i my first wave of genuine confusion & sadness (post my first adventure + coming home to a 7:30am-4:30pm m-f job) that really drove me to set goals for my next adventures. It was may 2018 that I found my passion to live & see the world; to meet people & learn their cultures; it was the passion of finding the humanity I found in kyiv, Ukraine. A capital of a country you’d never expect a white female American in, but with the question from @debraann4 the other night at dinner - what have been my top 3 places I have visited… kyiv was one of them. i have so much to say about those 3 nights exploring the city… sometimes alone, as I took nightly trips at very odd hours to 24hr mcdonalds that was a few blocks away from our hotel. It was there that I found myself drawn to the commonality of a fast food chain that I know & love.

It was a different kind of realization, but it was one that pulled at me enough to go back for the experience every night. To know absolutely no one, to be so out of your comfort zone that you actually find exactly what you’re so far from. The polar opposites of two countries, two cultures, hell two languages that made it even more of a fun challenge… finding the natural ground of mcdonalds & eating my favorite comfort food while passing my iPhone back & forth to the Ukraine kids behind me in line who asked where I was from. Talking through google translate with different people, pulling up a map & showing them where im from. Them doing the same. There was something so pure in it that i think no matter how quick my time was in kyiv, as we did day trips & only really had an afternoon & 3 nights there… but during that time, I found my passion to travel & experience the connection between strangers from anywhere & everywhere.

my passion turned to goals, which turned to plans, which I made happen.

Despite the odds & all the bumps in the road to accomplish them… I can proudly say 2019 was even more successful than I expected it to be. From starting to work on my plans last fall with financing my beautiful baby Olivia, a 2016 “martini olive green” Nissan rouge, in sept 2018 specifically for a road trip I wanted to take with friends summer 2019; then, booking a flight a week before visiting @carolinamartina_ & her family in Toronto dec 2018 when they were in visiting from Italy; to making loose plans (a goal) to visit them at their home during the summer of 2019 as well… I didn’t know if I could pull it off, but I did.

i could say so much more & have shared my story with certain individuals here & there… but honestly, I have loved creating my own journey. & thats what I think I want it to be for now, my personal journey & pictures until im in the mood to edit them.

Im spending these last few weeks of this amazing year with some amazing people that I am blessed to have in my life. Its going to be an incredible time having those I love back home from college… but it is also going to be a sad last Christmas break with them as this time next year I will already be settled in italy, living as an art student, or an american girl working to travel around Europe, im not quite sure yet… but 2020 is going to be my year to make more permanent changes that will affect the next few years of my young adult life. 21 is right around the corner in February & it is the perfect age to change it up a bit & see where else this life journey will take me.

So I will drop my dozen or so pictures I have already edited - but I will not be editing any more this year & not until I have a cushion of savings in the bank & im financially on the right track to move over to Europe next summer where im not planning to come back for quite some time (: so take this high af rant as you will, (& surprise to all of you who didn’t know I am moving), but the point im trying to get across is that you truly can do anything you set your mind to. I didn’t believe it for years. Years & years. but anything can happen.

also marijuana should be legalized because the west coast changed my life.

The end.

the beginning... take two ((,:

below you will find words that I was planning to post on instagram (picture at bottom), but am now here due to one of the reasons I so fondly hate the popular app. enjoy ♥

12.2.19 || layers of life  

hi, sooo im not really sure what i’m doing with my art, nor am i sure if instagram is the platform i’d like to display it - but for the rest of the year i will be dropping daily pics & stories of my 2019 adventures (: 

let me start off by saying this day in particular was one of those “life changing” days... it was a tuesday evening on the top of moro rock, deep in the heart of sequoia national park, california. i had just spent the past weekend camping outside of yosemite, enjoying some local hot springs, malibu drinks & a few relaxing down days before starting my 5th week on the road. 7pm had just rolled around as the sun was setting & only a few of us, who had ventured the 400 stone step climb, were left scattered within the barrier of poles that helped protect visitors from falling over the edges. it was in those fleeting moments of time, that i discovered what it truly felt like to be alive. 

now i know many people have argued both sides of the, “what does it mean to be alive” debate, as everyone’s opinion & life experiences are quite diverse... but i’d like to put in my two cents real quick. throughout this past year of travels, i have learned that being alive is one thing, i mean you’re breathing right now while reading this, so hi, youre alive 👍. but living, like positively living, is something so drastically different that there should be another word for those who feel ALIVE. 

as i sat there watching the sun fall behind mountains of the san joaquin valley, i remember physically feeling so fulfilled by everything around me. i was overjoyed by the sights i could see near & far, the noises of the forests to the east & west of me; & i distinctively remember the cool soft autumn air that was slowly, but surely, sneaking into the small gap of space made in between my skin & sweatshirt that gave me chills every time i lifted up my camera to take a shot. 

how did i get here? how did i climb this rock on a september evening, spending sunset with other adventurers who seemed just as in awe by the 360° view we were all so lucky to have... it was moments later when i finally recognized what i had done to reach such a defining point in my life. i felt my body tingling & my smile getting wider. i felt, what seemed impossible at the time (more on that later), the earth coming together - the moon rising behind me as the sun was setting in front of me. when i felt this, my brain stopped for a second to acknowledge where i was & who i was. 

it was then, on that rock, at that time, where i felt everything fall into place. i knew all the hours working a m-f desk job, all the days of planning (& replanning, as i wasn’t expecting to do this journey alone) & packing, all the miles driven alone from one side of the country to the other, & memories with people I had previously met or visited along my way - all of it made me draw my own conclusion of, “what it means to be alive.” 

side note: i do not expect many to understand what im trying to say, as my description of the actual feeling is quite vague & i have not written in awhile, but i implore you to find your own definition of the word, “alive” & what it means & f-e-e-l-s to be just that.

the start of my x-country journey...

two: the amount of weeks it has been since I left home

let me try this again… 

i have written, well have started to write, four “blog” posts thus far on my cross country road trip. as to why none of them were ever completed… welllll sleep (or lack thereof) has continuously gotten the best of me by the end of that day. i try to give myself a moment to debrief & reflect on what i have seen, learned & processed throughout my adventures every evening, but have had little success being able to write them down.

i am trying again though. 

this is my first second full day off of not shooting, hiking, driving or really moving off a couch or out of bed. i have been on the road for just shy of two weeks now & i honestly have been having the time of my life. in the 3,000+ miles i have travelled i have seen three different cities, visited two national parks & have met nine new people. 

*side note: my definition of  “meeting” new people is having more than an hour long conversation, whether it be in a group, or one on one, that was significant enough to have meant something to you. maybe it taught you something, or made you look at an opinion from a different point of view. it is the “meeting” of a stranger who simply becomes a friend… one you might never see again, but will take part of your discussion with you in the memories of the moments you conversed, or a friend who may become a big part of your life in a way neither of you expected before that initial “hello.” either way, i have been extremely grateful for all of those i have met so far.*

i am currently in the city of Missoula, Montana & am in a hotel resting my body & relaxing my mind for the week ahead. a lot more driving, hiking & self discovery/reflection is to be expected, but i am excited for every single moment that will happen along this journey… especially because not only am i learning about others, but i am also learning a lot about myself. i love looking back each night, or whenever i get a peaceful moment (typically at a rest stop on i-90 where i have taken multiple daytime naps during 10hr drives, or in the early morning waking up in my car when it is still cool out & before i take down camp, or even just a pause on a trail when there is no passerbyers & i just need a moment to catch a breath & look up at the sun through the trees & appreciate the soft wind on my face) to reflect & be actively proud of who i am becoming. this trip of nature & adventure, courage & strength, & the genuine freedom to be happy has undoubtedly been providing me with all the materials to build a better me.

although some people will take a “better me” the wrong way… i know i am truly building myself to be a happier & healthier version of myself. i am doing the things i need to do (processing the past, letting go of things i can’t control, moving on from things that have still lingered with me, etc) & am also doing the things i want to do (facing some fears, being more open to different opinions & talking about them, being strong in difficult situations, letting myself be happy & carefree, etc).

somewhere along the way i have realized how much i am subconsciously trying to do these things as i am discovering the brain truly functions so differently when away from the home it is accustomed to with all the familiar faces & places… and, well, for the first time in my life i am starting to fall in love with the new person i am & am passionately becoming. 

it has taken a lot for me to write down these thoughts & feelings... as it has shown with this being my fourth attempt to do so… but i am glad i am sharing these things & am going to continue to try to do so more often these next few weeks. 

** i also know this message may be messy & extremely all over the place, but i am learning to forgive that part of myself that has always struggled to put things down on paper in a way that makes sense. english was always one of my lowest grades in school, yet my teachers always encouraged me to keep writing because they saw the “genuine emotion” i put into my work.. with that being said though, i hope my flawed ADHD thoughts can still express the message i am trying to say. 

i thank you for your time if you have read this far & i wish everyone nothing but the best final days of summer. i will try to share more along my route & attempt to get my website updated throughout my trip as well (no promises though as i hardly am ever in a place where i can find wifi)... but here are the only pictures i have edited so far (also working on overcoming procrastination), i hope you enjoy them.

---

first & second pic taken on aug. 21 in Badlands National Park in South Dakota

third pic taken on aug. 23 in Glacier National Park in Montana & fourth pic taken later that evening at Flathead Lake National Forest just down the road from Glacier

the beginning...

one: the number of blog posts I have & the amount of weeks I have to get my sh*t together before my next trip

alright so I’ll admit I just spent the past 15 mins combing through articles of “How to Start a Blog,” or, “How to Write an Awesome Blog Post in 5 Steps,” or well, something along those lines. what I gathered from it, besides the ptsd of high school slowly creeping up on me as I am feeling like I’m writing an english paper for Mrs. Sullivan all over again, is that every blog is different… & there truly is no right or wrong way. every “blogger” has a different style of writing for the vast amount of topics.

therefore, I am going to address this first & foremost… this blog will probably be quirky, from my lack of proper grammar, to my love for lowercase letters, longgg run on sentences, ampersands & ellipsis… yet, it will be full full of stories, travel tips, maybe even some motivational stuff (depends on who’s reading this), & of course - it will be 100% me. oh & I might throw in some behind the scenes pics & poetry/writing pieces if I remember to. 

but, back to the actual blog -

hi, my name is Sydney, Syd for short, & I am a officially a week away from embarking on my first solo cross country road trip (in the US). I have been independently traveling for a little over a year now; as my first major trip was across seas last May 2018 when I flew out of JFK to meet up with 7 other photographers from Mass. (who flew out of BOS) into Kiev, Ukraine.  I had just turned 19 a few months prior & the confidence of successfully navigating to meet up with this group of people I had never really met (I knew 2 of the 7), in a country where most people are shocked a young american girl would ever travel to, was the start of my love for traveling. since that trip, I have put myself in every position to travel by myself, with friends, or even with people I hardly know, to see places we have never been. now yes, I understand that bit about the “traveling with people I hardly know” sounds a bit bizarre as “stranger danger” is a thing, which includes murders/kidnappers that every person over the age of 40 has warned me about… but I truly have been blessed with this adventurous, trusting, yet cautious mindset. since last May I have been to TONS of amazing places, have met SO MANY incredible people… plus, I have learned A LOT about myself too! I honestly cannot express enough how much my life has changed since discovering my love for traveling… it has been the funnest (yes, we are pretending thats a word, which it honestly should be by now), most thrilling & sometimes terrifying, but truly incredible ride; & next week I will start the next chapter of my story/journey/whatever other cliché metaphor you can think of… Google told me to include cliché things in my blog (:

I honestly can’t wait. 

so with that, I am sending this off to my father who will probably be my righthand man when it comes to reviewing each post & making sure my ADHD brain didn’t lose half the story I was ranting about… or Becca, my best friend who loves to tease me for my “unprofessional” writing (((,:  

I am genuinely excited to start sharing my stories as not many people have truly heard about the past year and a 1/2 of me working my as off to afford the trips I go on… just return home, broke BROKE  *my version of saying I just barely have enough money to pay my bills - granted I hopefully don’t book trips on the days they are due, but it happens. + one round of groceries, usually ramen, mac & cheese or pasta, before my 1st paycheck after I return from traveling deposits* & drag myself back to my boring full time desk job to spin in my spinny chair during my lunch breaks & start to plan out what trip is next.